Dreaming big

The main difference between someone who accomplishes and those who just "levitate" is the greatness of one's dreams. See, I could never dream small, nor did I ever have a desire to do so. I always dreamed big. Sure, you always have to have a dose of realism in your dreams. For example, while it seems very pessimistic and almost prone to fail, I always attack every big challenge with the thought: "what if I fail?". I absolutely have the conviction that you must be fully aware of the consequences and acknowledge what you risk. Cover your bases to the best of your abilities, and draw out plan B and C. Some risks are worth taking even if you don't do all this; but that's only if even a loss gains you a truly more valuable something. Otherwise, it's just a waste of your time, not to mention...plain stupid.

Say, while most dreamed of getting drunk in a bar with their friends - calling it a "good time" - I dreamed of owning the darn bar and having all my friends over for a drink on the house once a week (which, btw, also adds up to extremely efficient, cheap and smart word of mouth advertizing).

Sure, it gets overwhelming to be the one that always calls the shots, but… I think for me this wasn't much of a choice. There's simply isn't any other variant that I can accept. Between being the towel that everyone uses to wipe their face and being on top… I didn't have a hard time figuring out what I wish for. I mean, I would never be able to live with myself if I had to step on my principles just to fit in. It seems way too high of a price.

Of course, the down side is the price I paid by gaining the ambition which gave me the ability to fight my fights. Once you are in the mode of "I know the overall of this situation and I hold the majority of the Aces"… it's hard to do the "political" thing of including others in the "take". Management was never my greatest skill, but… I know that I really have to master it. Otherwise, the final answer is a life fully lived, dozens of friends, and yet … a paradise filled with loneliness. That's certainly not what I want for myself.

Truth is, some people feel fine just fitting in and becoming unnoticed as anyone in a crowd. Me… I simply have to be me. I have to speak up because I always have something to say - if I have something to say. And if it's not something that has an effect on my life or stimulates my brain or my heart, then … well, it's just a waste of time.

 Denisa Dobrin (Tuesday, December 28, 2010)

"Cave man" vs. "smart"

The primitive people were so much smarter! Unlike us, they knew that life was not about ego topping survival. Sure, there were the “Alfa males” and the “mother figures” of the tribe… But if there ever was a danger, the tribe was united as one; survival came first. Unity meant surviving. The animal instinct of self preservation and growth of your own species trumped everything.

In contrast, today is more and more about independence; making it on your own. Getting help from others, making it “together”, or showing that you do have weaknesses… means basically giving everyone else a free pass to “devouring” you. We sham our own nations and adopt others; we reject our own history, or even worse, show absolutely no interest in it… We turn the “we” into “I” and, governed by the fear of failing, we safeguard ourselves to the point of loneliness. We lost the meaning of success in life. They say “it’s lonely at the top”; well, it makes sense it would be. When you use your friends as stepping stones and keep moving “up” fully knowing that you need to leave all that means something to you behind in order to “move on” and “move forward”, you get to that point of no return were you do achieve everything you dreamed of. You can do anything; you have done everything. But you take a step back and then hit that MOMENT. That one moment when you realize that none of it matters. It’s all fake. You are actually alone and misunderstood by all those who are so sure they “get you”. You truly are…“independent”; suspended above all and nothing, everyone and everything. Without a family, or unity, or love…there’s nothing. A lonely life is an equation that makes no sense and has no purpose. Independence is only good in moderate doses; as is ego; as is creative madness.

The idea of “family”, of working TOGETHER towards a common goal, seems gone today. The unity is broken for the sake of individuality. The ego trumps the survival instinct. We lost our meaning; our fight for something meaningful. Sometimes, life is meant to be simple; simple joys, simple and random acts of kindness towards someone you barely know… Sometimes life should not be a struggle. And that is the main difference between happy and miserable. No wonder every other person needs a shrink. We went from grooming or growing up with a friend to paying someone to listen to us and pretend to be our friend for an hour every other week. That is the problem right there! Today we have everything, except … we forgot about friendship and unity and holding on through better or worse.

The primitive people were so much smarter! They instinctively knew that life was meant to be simple; life was meant to be lived.